Trying to drop a groaner at work

HeySkippyDog · September 11, 2019

Moderator note: If you're a snowflake and get "triggered" easily by this type of discussion. Do not read further.

I work for an engineering company that hires a certain type of H1-B Visa holder for software development. They don't come from places where sanitation exists, and the effects of this are catastrophic on our office bathrooms.

As a result, we have a cleaning crew that roams the building all day like a sentry, constantly cleaning the bathrooms.

The challenge is this: you don't want to have to do the walk of shame if they come to clean the bathroom you're in, and you're trying to take a deuce, so they gotta wait on you.

They move quickly. So you have to locate them and then determine which direction they are heading next, and choose a liquidation station as far from them as possible.

OR, the ultimate. You rock in the bathroom they just left. Toilet bowl cleaner still in the water, all seats lifted up. This is known as "Condition Bravo", or "Blue Bowl". You can take your time in this instance because you have a solid hour until they'll be back.

Anybody else got any workplace strategies for shitting?

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Edited November 5, 2019 by txab

Jglew82 · September 11, 2019

Your situation seems unique in that the ass-shrapnel removal service occurs with great frequency. Obviously your best method is to chase that blue lagoon, but that may not always be possible. I guess I'm lucky my body is on a poop-at-home schedule.

Joe's 2017 Silverado · September 11, 2019

Yeah I'm PAHS also, but at times when I don't feel too good my system is off and need to make a big deposit, I try to walk to the other side of the building where there is a single occupant non gender bathroom with a lock on the door. Privacy is golden.

Mikebtte · September 11, 2019

I have gone out of my way to make sure I do not have to take a duce at work. Avoid the restroom at all cause.

Imcrazy · September 11, 2019

I'm a traveling sales rep, I have dropped a deuce in a great many bathrooms, eventually you learn to just grab some TP, wipe the seat down and move on... I usually seek out rest stops or Lowes or Home Depot's as they all seem to be pretty clean with multiple stalls to choose from..

Chevyguy85 · September 11, 2019

I poop at work quite regularly. Half the time, regardless of how often they're cleaned, they seem to look like a high school full of idiots use them. Recently one of the toilets actually came off the wall, not sure if intentional or accident though. Last week one of the pipes burst and flooded a couple offices upstairs and a couple offices downstairs below the bathroom. Made a nice waterfall though

HeySkippyDog · September 12, 2019

In our old building with inadequate facilities, we had to drive 2 blocks over to Sears to get a safe and clean place to shit.

Once I went there, and someone had destroyed it and pooped on the floor and all the toilets. All of them.

I texted the group "THIS LZ IS HOT!"

We still laugh about that one.

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txab · September 12, 2019

So what are these " H1-B Visa holder's" doing? Dropping deuces while hovering? Pooping in the trash cans, sinks or wall urinals?

I'd locate the offenders, burlap bag their head and then proceed to beat'em with a rubber hose about their head. J/K :crackup:

Watch out for those people who use the "wide stance" while in the bathroom.

A few years ago we had similar situation with people in the building. One was our employee, the others worked for various offices. We had the lead guy on sanitation team to group text us when each bathroom moved into the "Green Zone"

Edited September 12, 2019 by txab

TXGREEK · September 12, 2019

Put up a sign in each stall, right behind the stall doors so when they close the door they’ll see what you want them to see lol

TXGREEK · September 12, 2019

With each one of my employees, I had them take turns cleaning the shop bathrooms, never ever had a problem lol.

HeySkippyDog · September 12, 2019

My breaking point was seeing a chunk of feces in a sink drain.

There are people wiping their ass with their hand. What else have they touched? [emoji2961]

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HeySkippyDog · September 12, 2019

So what are these " H1-B Visa holder's" doing? Dropping deuces while hovering? Pooping in the trash cans, sinks or wall urinals?

I'd locate the offenders, burlap bag their head and then proceed to beat'em with a rubber hose about their head. J/K

Watch out for those people who use the "wide stance" while in the bathroom. [emoji3]

A few years ago we had similar situation with people in the building. One was our employee, the others worked for various offices. We had the lead guy on sanitation team to group text us when each bathroom moved into the "Green Zone"

I caught one peeing in the central floor drain.

They do the unthinkable, because they come from a country with 3rd world sanitation problems.

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TXGREEK · September 12, 2019

My breaking point was seeing a chunk of feces in a sink drain.

There are people wiping their ass with their hand. What else have they touched? [emoji2961]

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TMI!

HeySkippyDog · September 12, 2019

We had one that was particularly fond of the cleaning lady, and he would flash his junk at her.

It took weeks to catch and identify him.

We referred to him as "The Deek Bandeet" and hypothesized he showed her what looked like a tootsie roll that had been kicked across a hair salon floor.

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