Joke Thread

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

From a Ford F-150 Lightning forum:

"Even their signs have to be towed!"

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

Three women die and go to heaven. When they get there, the apostle Paul says, “We only have one rule here in heaven. Do not step on the ducks.”

So they enter heaven, and there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one!

Along comes the apostle Paul with the ugliest man she ever saw.

He chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this man!”

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes the apostle Paul.

With him is another extremely ugly man. Paul chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all of this and is very careful where she steps. She manages to go several months without stepping on any ducks.

But, one day the apostle Paul comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Oops. No regerts?

[richard wysong]

Driving a stick shift is becoming a lost art

[diyer2]

 

[Donstar]

10 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Oops. No regerts?

 

10 hours ago, richard wysong said:

Driving a stick shift is becoming a lost art

Yes, I believe this artist didn't lose it, he never had it!

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

A young guy from North Dakota moved to Florida and went to a big "Everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. 

One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.

He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$251,237.65."

The boss, astonished, says $251,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. 

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. 

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 GMC 3500 Duramax."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" 

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"

Edited January 27 by MaverickZ71

[MaverickZ71]

[KARNUT]

We do Valentine’s Day on the 15th. 50 percent or better off.