Joke Thread

diyer2 · March 22, 2017

diyer2 · March 23, 2017

*ELTON AND DAVID'S BABY*

*Elton John and his partner Davis Furnish had their sperm mixed together

and a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated.

After the baby was born, Elton and David were ushered into the maternity

ward. A dozen babies were lying in their cribs, and eleven of them were

crying and screaming.

In the corner, one baby was lying quietly, smiling. A nurse came over to

both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful..??" Elton asked David. "All these crying

babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the

superiority of gay love...!!"

The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens

when I pull the pacifier out of his ass...."*

diyer2 · March 23, 2017

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he tied her up and went fishing.

Coby7 · March 23, 2017

diyer2 · March 24, 2017

Coby7 · March 24, 2017

Chris · March 24, 2017

diyer2 · March 25, 2017

A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a revolver
yelling "who's the bastard thats been screwing my wife" ?

A voice from the back of the bar shouts back
"you don't have enough ammo".

diyer2 · March 27, 2017

diyer2 · March 27, 2017

grizzlyltz · March 27, 2017

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

diyer2 · March 28, 2017

Say you’re an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no nursing home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Plan G.

The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Plan G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning , cable TV, a library, and all the health care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change or heart?

They are all covered!

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all this? The same government that told you they couldn’t afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you’re at it. And now because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any more income taxes!

Is this a great country or what? Now that I’ve solved your senior financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week.