Joke Thread

[Grumpy Bear]

3 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Who else wants to see the Lions vs Packers games determine ownership of this?:

 

Oh, that's mine.  

[MaverickZ71]

2 hours ago, Grumpy Bear said:

 

Oh, that's mine.

 

King Marty of Grumpyland?

Edited September 7 by MaverickZ71

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

How flatbed trucks are made?

 

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

A few days ago my wife smacked me in the back of the head with a cast iron frying pan.

I said, "What was that for?" She said, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Lucy Lou' written on it." 

I said, "Honey, sweetie, remember when I went to the track? 'Lucy Lou' was the name of the horse I bet on."

She said, "Okay, I'm sorry" and walked away.

Then, this morning while I was drinking my coffee and checking gm-trucks.com, she smacked me in the back of the head again with the same frying pan. 

I said, "Doggonit! what was that for!?"

She said, "Your horse just called."

Edited September 9 by MaverickZ71

[MaverickZ71]

I was having trouble with my computer this morning, so I had to call IT. He said, "Have you tried disabling cookies?" I said, "Well, I bit the legs off a gingerbread man once."

[MaverickZ71]

I had a blind date last night with Lucy Lou, but I was worried what to do if she was really unattractive. 

My friend told me not to worry as there's a phone app for just that situation. It's called 'Mom are you okay' and it schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date.

If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with "Mom? What's the matter? are you okay?"

So anyway, I knocked on Lucy's door and it turned out I didn't need to worry at all. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning.

But, just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. 

She answered it and said "Mom? What's the matter? Are you okay?"

[MaverickZ71]

Springfield cats. 

 

[MaverickZ71]

A redneck only had one year to live. So, he decided to ask his pastor what he should do. 

"What you should do is go out and buy late '70 or early '80 model chevy pickup," said the pastor.

"Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find." 

The redneck asked, "Will this help me live longer?"

"No," said his pastor, "But It will make what time you do have left seem like forever."

[Grumpy Bear]

7 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

A redneck only had one year to live. So, he decided to ask his pastor what he should do. 

"What you should do is go out and buy late '70 or early '80 model chevy pickup," said the pastor.

"Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find." 

The redneck asked, "Will this help me live longer?"

"No," said his pastor, "But It will make what time you do have left seem like forever."

 

Pretty bad advice from a man who reads the Bible.  

[txab]

Ben Hur wheels anyone? Seen locally

 

 

[customboss]

[customboss]

Boring 

Edited September 11 by customboss