Joke Thread

[customboss]

[customboss]

No joke but don’t know where else to post. 
 

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[txab]

Bob 

[The Zip]

6 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Zuze

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Today's thought.

 

A pastor asked an older farmer, decked out in bib overalls, to say grace for the morning breakfast.

 

 "Lord, I hate buttermilk", the farmer began. 

 

The visiting pastor opened one eye to glance at the farmer and wonder where this was going.

 

The farmer loudly proclaimed, "Lord, I hate lard." 

 

Now the pastor was growing concerned.

Without missing a beat, the farmer continued, 

 

"And Lord, you know I don't care much for raw white flour". 

 

The pastor once again opened an eye to glance around the room and saw that he wasn't the only one to feel uncomfortable.

 

Then the farmer added, "But Lord, when you mix them all together and bake them, I do love warm fresh biscuits. 

 

So Lord, when things come up that we don't like, when life gets hard, when we don't understand what you're saying to us, help us to just relax and wait until you are done mixing. It will probably be even better than biscuits. Amen.”

[MaverickZ71]

Yesterday I arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution on a man I believe was innocent.

 

My last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and I was feeling worn out and depressed.

 

As soon as I walked through the door at home, my wife started in on me about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it." And on and on and on.

 

Too emotionally worn to play my usual role in this familiar ritual, I poured myself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the tub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as I dragged myself up the stairs.

 

While I was in the bath, the phone rang. My wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

 

Finally realizing what a terrible day I must have had, she decided to come upstairs and give me the good news.

 

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of me, bent over naked, drying my legs and feet.

 

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

 

I whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!”

[Grumpy Bear]

On 11/13/2024 at 10:09 AM, MaverickZ71 said:

 

Johnny B. Goode. His fathers name was Chuck Berry  

 

 

Edited Friday at 03:19 PM by Grumpy Bear

[MaverickZ71]

Ladies, If your boyfriend has to ask AutoZone to change his wiper blades, it's time both of you start seeing different men.