Joke Thread

[customboss]

7 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Quite possibly where I was conceived.

That’s what I remember. Son!

Edited November 1 by customboss

[customboss]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Last night I took my wife out for dinner. When our food came out she said, "Let's pray."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "We always pray before we eat."

I said, "Yes, but they know how to cook here."

 

That's how the fight started.

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

My wife and I were invited to a Halloween party last week. Unfortunately, she came down with a terrible headache and told me to go to the party alone.

 

Me being the devoted husband, I protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for my good time to be spoiled by not going. 

 

So, I took my costume and away I went. 

 

My wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awoke without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to come to the party. 

 

Since I did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching me to see how I acted when she was not with me. 

 

She joined the party and soon spotted my costume cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there. 

 

She sidled up to me and being a rather seductive babe herself, I left my current partner high and dry and devoted my time to the new babe that had just arrived. 

 

She let me go as far as I wished...Naturally, (since I was her husband.) Finally, I whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off we went to one of the cars and had some fun.

 

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went back home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation I would make for my behavior. 

 

She was sitting up reading when I came in, and she asked what kind of time I had. 

 

I said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." 

 

"Did you dance much?" 

 

I said, "You know, I never even danced one dance. 

 

When I got there, I met Jordan, Dave Johnson and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But, you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to!!”

[txab]

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

1 hour ago, diyer2 said:

 

I’m the left side 

[MaverickZ71]

On my way home tonight I saw a billboard that said, "Need Help? Call Jesus." 1-800-555-3500

 

Worried about tomorrow's election, when I got home I called the number and about 30 minutes later a Mexican showed up in a tow truck.